#50: looking back on 2008

One of the best things about having a blog where you write (in my case sporadically) about events in your life is that it makes it easier to remember the big things that happened over a time frame as long as 366 days.

Here are the things in 2008 that seemed most important and/or interesting to me. I contemplated starting this list with the small things and finishing with a big finale but the biggest thing to happen to me this year is also the most depressing so I'd much rather end on a happy note than a sad one.

• On October 18th, my aunt died. More than just an aunt she treated me like a son. Around these times of year I want to just call her and find out how the holidays are going but now I can't anymore. I still miss her so much and I will never forget her, her voice or what she has done for me.

Ok, now onto things that are a bit more cheerful.

• I started the year blogger style, meeting up with Billy, Cooper, Eric, Davis and Jeff within the first 4 days of 2008. Little did I know then that we'd be seeing each other a lot more. :)
• I also met another fellow blogger K. He deserves (and would no doubt command) his own bullet point because he has been the guy I've hung out with most this year.
• During the summer, yet another blogger Closeted visited NYC and crashed at my place for about 5 days. It was great to meet him as we spent hours chatting online and on the phone.
  
• This year I've dated more diversely (and more guys actually) than ever before. In 2008 I've gone out with an Israeli, a French guy, a Caribbean guy, an Eastern European guy and I've also scheduled dates with Scottish and Irish guys to happen within the next week or so. Oh, and of course American guys.
• I raised my minimum dating age. If you can't drink, we can't date.
  
• I ended my old (but more popular blog) and started this one in an attempt to start anew. The old blog was 3 years old afterall.
• My interests changed a lot. I started investing in the stock market for the first time. Great time to do that!
• I gave a lot more thought to important issues such as gay rights, gay marriage, contemplated being out at work and then actually came out to a few people at work.
• I starting thinking about my financial stability more and I increased my net worth from -$26,512 to -$8,052 (as of today). Yes that is a negative sign in front of both numbers thanks to my student loan.
• I made trips back to Pittsburgh PA, visited Providence RI and Atlantic City NJ for the first time and visited my home in the Caribbean for the funeral.
• I attended my first. concert. ever! It was ColdPlay at MSG on June 23 and I actually won free tickets! I attended with fellow blogger Billy who is a huge fan.
  
• My first boyfriend and I became close friends again. This is very surprising considering that at certain points over the past 3 years since we broke up I stopped talking to him for months.
• I made a failed attempt to remove all college brands from my closet. I say failed because Abercrombie is still very much a part of my wardrobe but can you blame me? I walked into their Fifth Ave flagship to do some shopping in early 2008 and was offered a job! Not that I took it but go ego boost!
• I kept being referred to as clean cut and preppy this year, which was not a label I was sure I wanted. I just gave up when even people at work over here began using the same terms.
• I discovered that the best attributes on me seem to be my arms and my smile. In. That. Order. Go gym workouts!
  
• I was surprised by the racial tension that emerged after Prop 8 passed in California and also criticized those people who claim to be pro-gay but don't believe in full equality.

Hmm, one huge thing seems to be missing from this list. I guess I do kinda have a big finale item don't I?

• I moved to LONDON!
• Once here, I promptly met up with blogger SSD who I've known for at least 1.5 years and assimilated myself into his group of friends.
• I also promptly began dating over here which is why my dating list has people from France, Ireland and Scotland. Not English yet, somehow.
  

This actually leads to yet another potentially big item. I'm ending the year trying to figure out whether I want to live in NYC or London.

Decisions, Decisions.

That's it for 2008. Here's to an exciting 2009!

Cheers mates!

Jay.

#49: public affection

I'd like to think that I'm pretty used to gay couples being affectionate in public. I did after all spend a whole year navigating New York City, a gay mecca in the USA.

Heck, I've kissed a guy in a subway station, on the train, at Central Park and even at Times Square surrounded by a ton of people. Even in Pittsburgh I've kissed a guy on the streets.

It is because of this that I am surprised that I cannot seem to find myself looking away from gay couples being affectionate here in London. I just expected that by now I'd find it not so interesting anymore. I am after all gay myself. Maybe I find it refreshing or maybe I'm just jealous.
 
It's probably more related to my own internal issues. I've never really been comfortable kissing someone unless in a gayborhood. That clearly hasn't stopped me from doing it as mentioned above but I'm still very wary of those around me when I do.

Here in London, I've looked around to see if others are as fascinated as I am and no one seems to bat an eye. Not in restaurants, in parks or even in major shopping areas. I think even in NYC there'd be a bit more attention levied by passerby.

That being said, I did notice a group of blokes drinking alcohol on the subway (illegal ONLY as of earlier this year) staring at some friends while they were hugging on the train but no one said anything. If anything, they appeared more perplexed than anything.

That being said, I love Western Europe. Such a liberal part of the world!

#48: out at work...partially

So I know that I had mentioned that I was considering coming out to some of my work mates here in the UK and last Friday I did exactly that.

These two girls and I had just finished up happy hour and were walking to this place to consume some yummy greasy food :) when the conversation shifted onto gayness somehow. I think I brought it up actually. Even if I didn't bring it up, I most definitely made it the focus of the chat.

Anyways, I just said "I'm gay" during the conversation.

At first they thought I was kidding and then they slowly took me seriously. During the whole time I just couldn't stop thinking "What the hell did I just do?

Anyways, they promised not to tell anyone and they seemed to have kept that promise but somehow deep inside I knew that even if they did go and blab to the entire department that the impact on me would be minimal if any.

They also encouraged me to just come out if I kept getting pestered with dating questions or people just assuming I'm into women. They both agreed with me that they think it wouldn't be an issue if I did come out to the team.

I wish I could portray in words how awesome the work environment I'm currently in is here in the UK.

It's not that I think NYC would be less accepting it just feels like it'd be a bit awkward. I'm sure part of that is because I never really socialized out of the workplace with the teams in the USA the way that I have here.

Regardless, I feel MUCH closer to both of them since that night. I can talk freely and I think they've opened up to me a bit more as well and for that I'm very happy.

Here's to some gay happy hours in the New Year!

#47: i should read more

When I was younger, I used to love to read books but being completely honest I'd be hard pressed to tell you the name of the last book I finished reading. Well, maybe not hard pressed, just embarrassed really.

Don't get me wrong, I still do plenty of "reading". I spend many hours reading general news articles online, financial news, technology blogs and the blogs of some of my blogger buddies here in cyberspace. At the very least, I'm very aware of what is going on in the world around me. More so even than many of my friends.

I just can't seem to be able to read for my own entertainment. There is a book that I bought at least 5 months ago that was highly recommended by a friend back when I was living in NYC (or was it because this guy who seemed like my type had listed it online..hmm).

Anyways, when packing, I had to decide whether to leave it or try to read it over here in London. I brought it and 5 months later from it's purchase date and 6 weeks since I've been in London, it's here on my coffee table and barely touched.

I'm actually pretty bothered by this now (and not only because of those "Favo(u)rite Books" sections on those social networking sites but also) because I'll always remember this one time when I was about to meet a very senior executive and I asked one of the people that I look up to most for sample questions.

He came back with "Ask him what was the last book he read." He said it would give me some pretty good insight into their personality type, interests, etc.

I'd hate to be posed that question on a date or during some kind of other Q&A session and be forced to answer "Harry Potter"....

#46: putting down roots...but where?

So I've been here in the UK about 6 weeks now and I literally just unpacked my suitcases. I'm not sure what took me this long. It might have been just plain laziness or me trying not to get too settled.

The UK seems to be someplace that I could actually enjoy living permanently which leads me to my big decision. Which side of the Atlantic do I really want to be on?

I keep flip-flopping on this. For a while it seemed like I would definitely prefer to stay here and then for the past few days I thought I'd be better off back in the US. Even an hour ago, I was telling Billy that I'm 90% sure I'll return to New York.

And now somehow, I'm not sure again. This is driving me insane.

It'd be much easier if I hated either NY or London. The problem is that I don't. I see them both as cities that I could very easily live in.

Pros on the NY side are well, it's fricking New York City!
Although, it's fricking London!

But also, my company is headquartered in NY and it's always a good idea to be close to the center of power. There's also all of the friends that I've made in my time there.

Not to mention that there's an actual summer where it's actually hot unlike the weird summers in London that seem stuck in the high 60s/low 70s from what I've heard.

London has the advantage of being close to all of Europe which is hard to ignore. Weekends in France or Amsterdam. Trips to Spain. It all sounds so amazing.

Then there's the you know...very significant fact that MY SISTER and some of my extended family live here unlike the US where I have no close family although I do think of my friends as family.

I guess it's not really about the location so much as it is "What is the best opportunity which puts me on the right career path?"

Unfortunately I'm finding it hard to exclude the location from my thoughts.

Not that it makes it easier by including it. It actually makes it harder because both cities have things about them that I love.

I think part of the problem is that I'm trying to make this decision without understanding completely what my job role would be in either location. It's like putting the chicken before the egg.

This is a decision that not only impacts my career but also changes my entire life. It's as big a decision as deciding to leave the Caribbean to go to school in the US 3 years ago.

I've done my fair share of moving around but this is it. Wherever I decide to be, I'm ready to put down some roots.

#45: not worth my time

So over the past 3 weeks or so I've been very casually going out with this guy but it seems to literally take too much effort to actually meet up with him.

The first time we were supposed to meet up, I felt like he stood me up only to hear from him the next day saying that his text messages were delayed and he didn't get any of my messages and he had actually thought I stood him up and not vice-versa.

About a week later we were to meetup and I had tried to contact him 4-5 hours to arrange things but his phone would either ring out or I'd get voice mail. The excuse that time was that his phone died.

We finally agreed to meetup that night only for him to stand me up, admittedly not his fault since he couldn't get into the club and there is no mobile coverage inside to contact me.

This past weekend I call him around 7 to find out what's going on for the night. He says he wants to go out around 9 so he can get in early and that he'll contact me with details.

9pm comes, 10pm, heck even 11pm comes. I finally get a text around 11:48pm saying his friend cancelled and he's not going out anymore.

Excuses such as my text messages are delayed and my phone died are plausible (but very unlikely to happen so close together in a 3 week time frame with regards to me and him). And then he leaves me waiting on a Saturday night twiddling my thumbs at home?

How considerate of him!

Well of course I never replied to his message. He is an exercise in futility that is not remotely worth it especially given that I already had issues with some of his questionable attributes in the first place.

It just so annoying because the FEW (but they did happen!) times where we actually managed to meet up, he seemed to really be into me and talked about taking me this place and that place. He just doesn't seem to be able to follow through.

We arranged to meet 5 times and actually met 2 of those times.

Plenty more fish in the sea. That was very clear that night when he couldn't get into the club and numerous guys hit on me while I stood there ALONE waiting on him.

The sad thing is that my response to those guys was "Sorry. I'm waiting on someone."

If only I had known...

#44: gaydar evolution

I'm starting to think that the Metrosexual trend that gained so much popularity in the USA a few years ago must have come straight out of Europe.

Why do I think this? Well, because the guys here are more confusing than Kevin Kline in that In & Out movie.

In NYC and indeed most of the general USA (I'm making generalizations here based on the Northeastern US), I can be pretty confident that my gaydar leads me in the right direction. Things such as dress, body language, etc have failed me very little times.

Over here however, my first thought was that almost every man is gay! I of course, knew that this wasn't plausible so it begs the question. What exactly does one do when in a city full of gaydar confusing metrosexuals?

It's almost as if I'll have to go back to ancient times before gay people developed the gaydar sense and actually ask people their sexuality!

At first I was annoyed but after thinking about it, it actually exposes my own bias towards assuming that because someone dresses this way or does this thing that must mean that they're gay or straight.

It makes me think about the potential of the future. A future where gay people aren't singled out as being "different" or where straight people aren't afraid to confused for a gay person.

And that's fine with me, my gaydar will just have to adapt. Clearly it's in need of an evolution anyways.