I find it really hard to sit down and have a social conversation with some people when they don't know that I'm gay.
It's not that I want to just sit down and talk about dating men, fashion or any other stereotypically gay thing all night, but I somehow it's harder for me to relax and just let the conversation flow naturally.
Those who know me know that I can talk anyone's ear off so it's quite the feat that ANYONE has this effect on me. I've found this to be the case when going out with some people recently and it's really bothering me.
Talk generally seems forced (at least to me). It's like some kind of invisible wall is there. Maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way, maybe I'm just not as comfortable with them as others yet. I haven't known them that long and maybe that's why they don't know I'm gay.
Or maybe it's the first for some and the latter for others. Who knows.
5 comments:
I used to find it hard to talk to people who didn't know I'm straight, too, but I've stopped caring completely whether people know I'm gay or not. I think I was hesitant because I was still editing what I was saying and how I was acting - and sometimes I do still do it.
So maybe you're just still censoring yourself :\
@Darren - Hmmm, I think that's exactly it. Filtering what you say (although some people should filter more) makes it harder to just let things flow.
I totally get it...my new roommates don't know i am gay so having conversation that go anywere past simple pleasanteries is impossible!
I totally get what you're talk about. I too don't have the tendency to talk about men in general conversation even if the group knows I'm gay, but it's entirely different and constrained when I'm with other people, be it colleagues or friends. I see myself constructing each sentence in my mind and analyzing it for a second before finally mouthing it out. That's just too much dialogue-thwarting happening there.
By the way, I updated your link.
Please stop using the word "rant." It's been worked to death by uncreative bloggers, doll.
Post a Comment